i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just cut my nipple shaving
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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