Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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