weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
