i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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