You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
