mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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