Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
