theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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