I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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