i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
