Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize