making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
