So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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