woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
