"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
