forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
