I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
