I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize