I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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