officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
