"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
