By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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