I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
