It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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