Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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