i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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