i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
