Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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