I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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