I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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