just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
