You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
this hospital has no fireball
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
