hotel room ftw
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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