Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
