Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
