Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
