All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
