making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
