ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
