Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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