first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
