Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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