my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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