just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
