also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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