If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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