I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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