How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
