Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
