just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
