You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
