It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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