so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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