this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
