how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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