its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
