She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
