Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
