My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
