Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
