Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
