Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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