A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
