none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A+ Viking dick
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
