nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
